


Disconnect

by ShootingStar7123



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Friendship, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Shepard Siblings (Mass Effect), Siblings, Teaching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-09-29 12:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17203307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShootingStar7123/pseuds/ShootingStar7123
Summary: As the reapers lay waste to the galaxy, Commander Shepard rushes to rescue his younger sister Jane from war-torn Earth. But is there a place on the Normandy for a civilian, and does she even want one at all? AU Shepard/Garrus. Not a Mary Sue, not a self insert.





	1. Chapter 1

The day the reapers hit Earth was utterly unremarkable in every way. Jane Shepard rose with the sun and drank coffee at her kitchen table, as she always did. She checked the news vids for something on her brother, like each day for the past six months. She drove to school and prepared her lessons.

 

The bell rang at eight-thirty, the same as it always did. She taught seven classes, collected two hundred pages of homework, and broke up two fistfights. Nothing unusual, not for this school. She’d always liked a challenge.

 

Like every other day, students gathered in her room after the final bell, some to get help with their schoolwork, some because they had nowhere else to go. As long as the students behaved themselves, she never minded.

 

The vibrations came first, like the feel of a subway train running beneath their feet. Next came the sound, that deep, awful blast that filled each heart with fear. The classroom went deathly still for one solitary moment, everyone looking at each other, and then there was a sudden rush to the window.

 

There were gasps and murmurs, a whispered argument about bad drugs. Jane, moving slowly, was the last to the window, already half-sure and dreading what she’d see.

 

She’d never seen one before, only a few captured frames from the battle of the Citadel. But the moment she saw their silhouettes against the skyline, a poisonous fear coiled deep in her belly. “Reapers,” she whispered, and her fingers tightened into fists.

 

…

 

Jane had three young teachers, nineteen terrified students, and no outside communications.

 

As her students would say, a clusterfuck.

 

She might opt for the more elegant ‘pandemonium’ or perhaps simply ‘chaos’, but the result was the same. She had over twenty people in her charge in the middle of a reaper invasion.

 

At her order they barricaded the doors and set up camp in the cafeteria to wait for aid, but Jane didn’t hold much hope that the Alliance would come to the rescue of a single inner-city school. The other teachers were not of much help to her—one had already fallen victim to hysterics, only calmed by the ministrations of a student nearly ten years her junior. Every fall they would send over these young, bright-eyed teachers, but none of them understood what awaited them here. No one taught at this school long, no one but the eternally stubborn Jane Shepard.

 

The students were far more useful in a crisis than their teachers, though Jane wished it could have been otherwise. The children she taught had seen more hardship before they reached high school than many saw in a lifetime. It was part of the reason she was here, and why she fought so hard for them. And she would fight for them still, to keep them from having to go out there and do it on their own.

 

She was their last line of defense, and she would endure.

 

…

 

John Shepard left Earth knowing that his little sister was down there among the dying.

 

He’d lived on the streets, survived the Skyllian Blitz, flown into the galactic core, died in space, committed genocide—and somehow this was still the hardest thing he’d ever done. He gave the order with a heavy heart, ignoring the strange looks Vega and Alenko sent his way.

 

 _I’ll come back for you,_ he whispered to the receding image of Earth. _I won’t abandon you, Jane._

 

…

 

Five days.

 

Jane Shepard had spent five days holed up in a high school cafeteria with a group of rowdy, terrified students. Twice she’d ventured out for food and news, armed with a chef’s knife and a small handgun thoughtfully provided by one of her students.

 

If they got out of this alive, she was going to have a long talk with her students about the definition of a ‘no tolerance’ policy.

 

But getting out alive seemed less and less likely as the days passed. The neighborhood was burning, and no one came for them.

 

Bombed-out homes and flaming ruins lined the streets, and anytime she saw people, reaper creatures wouldn’t be far behind. Her first sighting of a husk was two blocks from the school, dragging away a grown man screaming. There were others she had no name for—the burning men, the gaping maws with a hundred heads, the tall and bulbous eating the dead from the streets.

 

Sneaking through the shadows, Jane found her own home mostly intact, and dug out a few prized possessions and a military radio her brother had given her. _So you can always call if you need me,_ he’d said. She couldn’t remember whether it was legal for her to even own such a thing, but that seemed to matter little in the face of imminent destruction. All that mattered was getting her kids out of there.

 

…

 

Days continued to pass with no change but for the rising panic of the people around her. Three times a day she would put out a distress call on the Alliance channels her brother had taught her. Three times a day she received no response.

 

On the night of the ninth day, a voice came on the radio that she thought she might never hear again.

 

_“Janie? Jane, please tell me you’ve still got the radio.”_

 

She clamored for it, hanging onto the device like a lifeline. “John?”

 

_“Jane! It’s me. Are you alright?”_

 

For the first time since they were children, Jane Shepard broke down in tears.

 

…


	2. Chapter 2

“John, I…” Jane choked back a sob, clinging to the radio like a lifeline. “I’m so glad you’re alright!”

 

_“I’m going to come for you, Janie, I promise!”_

 

“Oh, John… I’ve got a whole class full of kids with me. You have to help them!”

 

_“We’ll take them to the Citadel. It’s all going to be okay, Jane. I promise. I just need your location.”_

 

…

 

A few hours later, a shuttle landed outside the school. Pouring out of it came a turian, an asari, and the largest marine Jane had ever seen. And finally, her brother John. After a tearful reunion, they crammed all the students and teachers into the shuttle, taking off into the night.

 

Once Jane had her wits about her, she recognized Garrus Vakarian and Liara T’Soni who she vaguely remembered meeting at John’s funeral. She greeted them both as warmly as she could, trying not to think too much of the circumstances of their last meeting.

 

John stuck close by her side, only occasionally entering the cockpit to check on their progress, and he introduced her to the large marine on his team, James Vega. She pegged Vega immediately as a shameless flirt, and warned him away from her students. He held up his hands in defeat, muttering something about all Shepards being _loco_.

 

Before she knew it, they were aboard the Normandy, and traveling lightyears away from Earth. She wondered if she would ever see it again.

 

…

 

“Thank you for your help,” Jane said to Specialist Traynor, as the young woman finished helping her set up a comfortable space for her students in the observation lounge.

 

“It’s my pleasure,” Traynor said with a smile. “The commander was worried sick about you. I’m just glad to see everything come out well.”

 

Jane’s smile faltered as she considered her students’ fate. It was heartbreaking that ‘well’ meant they had barely escaped with their lives. They had no home, no family, and little hope.

 

“When you’re done here, your brother would like to see you up in his quarters,” Traynor said, breaking through Jane’s reverie.

 

“Of course,” she replied. “I’ll head up now.”

 

When she entered his quarters, she looked around in amazement. “This place is nicer than my house,” she said.

 

“Maybe,” John said, “But a house is a house.”

 

“A house is probably rubble,” she countered.

 

“Spacious rubble,” John replied, and pulled his sister into a hug. “God damn am I glad you’re okay, Janie.”

 

“Same to you,” she said, squeezing him back. “I was worried you were trapped on Earth like me.”

 

“Anderson had the Normandy waiting for me,” he explained. “He expected this to happen, I think. I’m sorry I didn’t come for you sooner.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied, stepping back. “I’m one person. You’ve got a whole galaxy to think about.”

 

He seemed to sag at her words, but he didn’t acknowledge them. They sat down, talking about what the past few months had held, and what the upcoming weeks would.

 

“Once we drop off your students on the Citadel, we’ve got just a few errands to run before we have to meet up for the summit,” John said casually.

 

Jane paused, staring at him. “What do you mean, we?”

 

“Well, you’re staying, of course,” he said with a shrug.

 

She glared at him. “John Shepard, what in the galaxy gave you that idea? I’m no use on a military ship! Besides, my students will need me.”

 

John leaned forward. “Jane, _I_ need you. Worrying about you on Earth was hell. I don’t want to go through that again. If I’m going to do this, I need you by my side.”

 

She sighed. “I’ll consider it,” but she didn’t really, not until she got the call several hours later, when she was sitting with her students in the mess.

 

“Jane, there is a call coming in for you on the QEC,” came the AI’s voice.

 

“For me?” she asked, astonished.

 

“The caller requested Jane Shepard.”

 

“Tell them I’ll be right there,” she said, as she raced to the elevator.

 

She recognized the man immediately—mostly from news vids, but also from the ceremony where John had received his Star of Terra. She’d clapped and cheered her hardest when John shook this man’s hand.

 

“Miss Shepard,” he said.

 

“Sir?” She didn’t know her military protocol very well, but she this man was definitely a ‘sir’.

 

“This is highly unusual,” he said, “But I would like to formally request your presence on the Normandy for the remainder of the war, however long that may be.”

 

Jane was silent for a moment, her mind racing. “May I ask why?”

 

The man’s stance never faltered. “Your brother, Commander John Shepard, is perhaps the most integral part of this war. I believe his mental health and stability are tied to your continual well-being. On my end, it is a small thing to request a civilian presence on a warship to ensure that he continues to function at his peak.”

 

“I…” She faltered, feeling flustered. “If that’s what you wish, I’ll agree. I’ll stay on the Normandy.”

 

“Thank you, Miss Shepard. The Alliance appreciates your sacrifice.” And he flickered out of view.

 

Jane took a moment to lean back against the wall and catch her breath. She never thought there would be a day when an admiral was requesting favors of her! She hadn’t felt like saying no was an option. Just having that man look at her was intimidating!

 

…

 

“I knew you would see things my way!” John said, grinning when she told him. “This is going to be great! You’ll see.”

 

She didn’t have the heart to tell him that he wasn’t the one that convinced her.

 

…

 

It only took a couple of days on the Normandy for boredom to set in. John and his crew were usually gone on some kind of mission, and the rest of the ship ran with the expected military efficiency. It wasn’t long before she began to seek any kind of meaningful employment she could find. She wasn’t used to being idle.

 

Some members of the crew gave her small tasks she could help with, but others seemed to scorn her lack of skill or training. A few seemed offended that she had been simply given this place on the Normandy instead of earning it. Most of them just didn’t seem to know what to do with her, a civilian on a military ship.

 

She watched the summit on the monitors along with the others, but when John ran off on an emergency mission and the group dispersed, she made her way to the lounge and poured herself a strong drink. “I can’t do this,” she groaned, dropping her head onto the cool metal bar.

 

“Can’t do what?” came a voice from behind her.

 

Her head shot up and around, calming when she saw Garrus in the doorway. “Christ, you scared me half to death,” she scolded as he entered the room, adding, “I thought you’d be on mission with John.”

 

Garrus shrugged as he settled next to her at the bar. “Wrex didn’t need the provocation of seeing another turian right now, even if it’s me,” he said. “But you’re changing the subject. What is it that you can’t do?”

 

“I can’t be here on this ship anymore,” she said, leaning on the bar. “I’m just sitting here with no purpose, while I could be doing good somewhere else. I feel trapped and useless here.”

 

Garrus let out a hum. “John is better with you here. He was a mess before.”

 

“I heard,” she said wryly. “But I can’t just be here to keep him sane. I’d be better off working with refugee kids. Helping disadvantaged teens is kind of my thing.”

 

“You were a teacher before, right?” he asked. “What did you teach?”

 

“English and literature,” she said. “Not much use for that here.”

 

“English? That’s a human language?”

 

“It’s the most commonly spoken language in the United North American States.”

 

Garrus tilted his head as he poured himself a drink. “Not the official language?”

 

“UNAS doesn’t have one. As you know, we humans are stubborn bastards, and no one really wanted to give up their home language.”

 

“Sounds confusing.”

 

“Maybe. But I always loved that about home.”

 

“You loved that it was confusing?”

 

“No… I loved that we all retained our culture and originality.”

 

Garrus looked at her with piercing blue eyes. “And you want to retain your originality too. You feel like you’re losing it here.”

 

Jane’s brows shot up in surprise at his perceptiveness. “I didn’t think of it that way, but you’re right. I feel like I’m just considered an extension of John here. I need to be doing something.”

 

Garrus was silent for a minute, sipping his drink. “Would it help if you learned enough to go out on some missions? You could contribute that way.”

 

“I’m not a fan of guns or violence, but…” She shrugged. “It might, if you think I can learn enough to be useful out there.”

 

He gave her a uniquely turian grin. “Under my tutelage, you will.”

 

…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Universal translators are a thing in this story, controlled via omni-tool.

When she slept, Jane dreamed of her friends and students back home. She dreamed of them calling out to her from the darkness, begging to be saved. She reached out to them but her hands grasped nothing but air. She sobbed out her helplessness into her pillow when she woke during the night, the only time she allowed herself such weakness.

 

During the day, she would be strong for John. At least she still _had_ John. And she didn’t let herself think about the ones she didn’t have anymore.

 

A girl could drive herself crazy wondering.

 

…

 

“Now,” Garrus said, shaking out his long limbs, “Do you have any experience in hand-to-hand combat?”

 

Jane shrugged. “I know how to throw a punch. No one survives growing up like John and I did without that. Oh, and I can break up a fistfight in twenty seconds or less. Kind of a necessary skill at the school where I taught.”

 

Garrus stared at her, uncomprehending. “Right. Why don’t we start with the basics?”

 

From that day on, Garrus and Shepard met up nearly every day to train her in either hand-to-hand or weapon handling. It didn’t take long before others were taking notice of what they were up to.

 

“I heard you’ve got Garrus teaching you how to fight,” John said, when they were relaxing in his quarters.  “You know you don’t have to earn your place here.”

 

“I want to,” she said. “I’d like to be more than a burden.”

 

John sat forward. “You’re not a burden, Janie. You never have been.”

 

She turned her head away. She knew what he’d given up so that she could have a childhood. He’d run with a gang so that he could protect her and raise her right. He paid out most of his military salary so that she could go to a good high school and college. He’d often told her that the proudest day of his life was when she graduated with her teaching degree. He’d always put her first. He’d always protected her. “That’s not true, John. But it’s kind of you to say.”

 

John jumped up from where he sat to move beside his sister. “Don’t say that.” He was firm. “Don’t ever say that. You were all I had, Janie. Everything I did for you was worth it. You paid it back in full.”

 

She shook her head. “It doesn’t feel that way. Let me do this, at least. Please.”

 

John sighed, wrapping an arm around his sister’s shoulders. “If it makes you feel better.”

 

“It does,” she said, and finally looked him in the eye. “And when Garrus gives me the okay, you’ll let me go on a mission?”

 

“An easy one,” he grumbled. “No reapers.”

 

…

 

It started with Private Ortega, who approached her shyly. “I heard you’re an English teacher,” the young woman said, hardly any older than Jane’s students back on Earth. “Do you think you would be able to teach me?”

 

Shepard’s brows shot up in surprise, then her face transformed into a smile. “Of course I can,” she said. “Let me know when your schedule is open.”

 

But when Jane entered the observation lounge at the agreed-upon time, there were several more crewmen waiting. “They all want to learn,” Ortega explained. “Do you mind at all?”

 

Jane didn’t mind one bit.

 

She was in her element now. She’d taught English as a second language before, and wasn’t it a pleasure to teach willing adults instead of unruly teens?

 

Her class began to meet twice weekly, gaining new students nearly every time. Between the class and her training with Garrus, Jane’s hours began to fill and her unease on the Normandy began to decrease.

 

One day, when she was practicing shooting with Garrus, he asked her about the classes. “You seem to have gained something of a following,” he said. “I even heard that some of the crewmen are switching shifts so they’ll be able to take your class.”

 

“That’s gratifying,” Jane said, peering through a rifle scope. She pulled the trigger, smiling as she struck her target. “It’s nice to feel like I’m contributing something to the Normandy. And it helps to give the crew something to think about other than fighting and death.”

 

“That sounds nice,” Garrus agreed. “Maybe you could teach me.”

 

Her head whipped around to look him in the eye. “I’ve only taught humans before. I don’t know how well I can teach a turian.”

 

“I’d like to give it a try,” he insisted.

 

Jane studied his earnest expression. “Alright,” she conceded. “But we’ll have to do this separate from the class. I have a feeling that my usual curriculum isn’t going to cut it.”

 

“One on one attention,” he teased. “I feel special already.”

 

…

 

“So… you and Jane,” Joker said. “Does the commander know?”

 

“There’s nothing going on between Jane and I,” Garrus said quickly.

 

“Come on,” the pilot said, rolling his eyes. “All those private lessons? You’re pretty transparent, Garrus.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the turian said, walking away.

 

“Yeah, well you’d better hope Shepard doesn’t either. Don’t think he wants you macking on his little sis,” Joker muttered.

 

…

 

Garrus couldn’t get his mind off of what Joker said. He couldn’t get his mind off of _her._ He knew she was special, interesting. He didn’t volunteer to train just anyone. But he’d never considered a human romantically before.

 

But now he was considering. He couldn’t stop.

 

“Did you have anyone special back on Earth?” he asked once, in the middle of one of their lessons.

 

She quirked a brow. “No boyfriend, if that’s what you mean. I kind of poured myself into my work.”

 

“I know how that is,” Garrus said.

 

“Yeah,” she agreed. “And besides, I never really found anyone who lived up to my standards.”

 

“Oh?” he asked, heart suddenly pounding.

 

“I always wanted someone I could talk to. Someone who would stand up to me. You know, an equal.” She huffed a laugh. “And having humanity’s big hero as a brother only made things harder. Who can live up to that?”

 

Garrus laughed with her, but internally sighed. Who, indeed?

 

“What about you?” she asked.

 

His head shot up. “What about me?”

 

“Got anyone waiting at home for you? Or are you ugly or something by turian standards? I never can tell.” Her eyes sparkled as she teased him.

 

“I’m not ‘ugly or something’!” he said indignantly. “I just want a real partnership, you know?”

 

Her smirk turned into a real smile. “Yeah,” she said. “I know.” And he was sure that she did.

 

…

 

“Garrus,” Shepard called, motioning his friend into the elevator with him when they had put their weapons away. The commander was quiet as they rode the elevator up to his cabin.

 

Once inside, Shepard locked the door and turned to his friend, expression serious. “Garrus, I want to talk to you about Jane.”

 

The turian’s mandibles fluttered in alarm. “Joker said—but I didn’t think—”

 

“Relax,” Shepard said, holding up a hand to halt his friend’s spluttering. “I’m not angry with you.”

 

Garrus’s shoulders slumped. “How did you know?”

 

Shepard shrugged. “I can’t always read turians, but I can read you. We’ve been friends and partners long enough that I can tell. She’s really important to you.”

 

“She is,” Garrus said quietly.

 

“Let’s get this straight,” Shepard said. “If you hurt her, I will kill you. But as long as you don’t…” He sighed. “You have my support.”

 

Garrus looked at him strangely. “Joker told me stories of what human men do to friends who date their sisters. So I guess I just want to ask… why?”

 

Shepard paced across the room, pausing to stare into his fish tank. “Jane has always thought she was a burden. Never thought she was worth the things I did for her.” He turned pained eyes upon Garrus. “She was worth everything I had to do to protect her. I don’t regret a thing. But _she_ does. And I’ve never been able to convince her otherwise.”

 

He turned fully to face a rapt Garrus. “If you can somehow convince her to value herself, like I value her, I would be grateful to you forever.”

 

Garrus cleared his throat. “I don’t know if I can, Shepard. I don’t know if my opinion means that much.”

 

Shepard smiled sadly. “I think it does. I know my sister… and she sees something of value in _you_.”

 

…


	4. Chapter 4

Every mission Jane went on filled her with nervous anxiety, no matter how casually her brother seemed to treat some of them.

 

She wasn’t sure what they were after this time—some important artifact to help with the Crucible. She wasn’t here for that. She was here to watch her brother’s back. So she kept her eyes scanning the buildings around them, looking for movement in the alleys and doorways. Anything could be hiding, waiting to ambush them.

 

In front of her, she admired the way John and Garrus worked together. The two of them almost appeared to read each others’ minds on the battlefield. She’d been given many chances to admire their skill, since her brother always insisted on Garrus being the third when she was invited on missions. _“Because he trained you,”_ John would say. Jane didn’t mind. She always felt a little better knowing Garrus was there fighting alongside her brother. She was continually impressed with what the turian could do.

 

“The library is up ahead,” her brother said in clipped tones. “The artifact we’re looking for is in there.” Jane scolded herself internally for her moment of distraction, and then she followed along behind her brother, keeping pace with Garrus beside her.

 

Just as she was scanning the buildings around them, something came barreling out of the darkness, heading straight for her brother.

 

“John!” she cried in warning. She raised her rifle, but the husk was already on top of him. After a terrifying moment, he threw the husk off, and a shot from Garrus’s rifle dropped the creature.

 

Then the floodgates opened. They came from all sides, slipping out of the darkened doors and windows of the surrounding buildings. Breathy groans echoed around them. She shot and stabbed as the bodies piled up, fighting until there was nothing left to fight. Her heart raced as she looked around, waiting for the next attack.

 

One, half-dead at her feet, reached up to grab at her ankle. She stomped it, again and again until there was nothing recognizable left. She startled when a hand touched her arm. “Jane,” her brother said softly, as she turned her wild eyes upon him.

 

She blinked, swallowing back her adrenaline and fear. And something else. Something… primal.

 

They fought again before they got off-world, but Jane kept her distance. She wouldn’t lose control again. She couldn’t.

 

…

 

Jane paced her room, thoughts racing through her head. Something had happened to her down there. She’d lost control. She’d unleashed something inside her.

 

_The pop of gunfire. The crack of the husk’s skull as she crushed it under her boot._

 

Jane shuddered, feeling a wave of nausea. She had enjoyed it. Wanted more.

 

Who was she? What had she become?

 

…

 

She stayed inside her room. Skipping meals. Skipping lessons with the crew. Skipping training with Garrus. She didn’t want to see them. Couldn’t face them now.

 

She’d always abhorred violence. What to do now that she found this violence inside herself?

 

Maybe when she figured it out, she could face the crew. But not until then.

 

…

 

“Have you seen Jane lately?” Shepard asked, worried.

 

Garrus let out a low hum. “She skipped training with me. She’s never missed it before.”

 

“She didn’t teach her class, either,” John replied. “I haven’t seen her since the last mission she went out on.”

 

Garrus cast his mind back to the mission, to the wild look in Jane’s eyes and the caution afterwards. “I think I know what’s wrong,” he said, and took off for her room.

 

…

 

Jane looked up at a knock on the door and sighed. It’s not like she could pretend she wasn’t home, like she used to do for unwanted visitors back on Earth. “Come in,” she called.

 

Garrus strode in, and Jane immediately ran her fingers through her hair. She didn’t want him to see her like this, but there was nothing for it now.

 

“You didn’t come to train,” he said simply, his face a blank mask.

 

“I don’t think I’ll be doing that anymore,” Jane said carefully. “This fighting thing isn’t for me.”

 

His mandibles tightened, just slightly. “What happened to wanting to contribute? You don’t want that anymore?”

 

“I’ll find another way,” she said, damning the waver in her voice.

 

“Funny,” he said. “Up until a few days ago, I was sure you wanted to contribute this way. Or did I waste my time training you?”

 

Her eyes blazed suddenly. “I don’t want this life!” she cried. “I never wanted it.”

 

“Too bad,” Garrus said sharply, stepping forward to tower over her. “This is what you’ve been given. What are you going to do with it?”

 

“Who says I have to do anything?” she said, throwing up her hands. “I’ll give the crew my lessons. Help around the ship. When this is over, I’ll go back to teaching on Earth. That’s all. There’s no reason for me to fight.”

 

Garrus stepped back, his expression softening. “Not unless you want to. But somehow, I don’t think that’s the case here.”

 

Jane turned away to hide her face. Her entire body tightened and she shuddered as the words poured out of her. “I liked the violence. I _wanted_ it. I lost control. I don’t know who I was. Who I am!” She turned back, eyes glassy and voice shaking. “I can’t let it happen again. I can’t!”

 

Garrus cocked his head to the side. “All of us get that sometimes. The adrenaline… it takes over. It doesn’t make you different. Or make you less.”

 

Jane shook her head, arms wrapped tight around her. “I _feel_ like less. I go to school every day and teach my kids that violence isn’t the answer. I keep telling them there’s always a better way. And as soon as you throw me out there into the war? I’m curb stomping husks.” She laughed bitterly.

 

“Sometime violence has to be answered with violence. Sometimes you aren’t given a choice,” Garrus said. “But that doesn’t mean it has to be your first choice. And you can’t blame yourself for letting your emotions get the better of you once in a while. You’re only human after all.”

 

She smiled up at him wryly. “Only human, huh? What does that make you?”

 

He grinned down at her. “The superior race, obviously.”

 

She snorted, giving him a gentle shove. “I’ll show you superior.”

 

“You do,” he said, suddenly serious. “All the time.”

 

Jane blushed, looking at her feet. How could he think so highly of her after this show of weakness?

 

“No one is going to force you to fight,” Garrus said gently. “But I think you should consider it. And you should definitely come back to our training sessions.”

 

Jane raised a brow. “Need to keep me in practice defending myself?” she asked cheekily.

 

“Well, that… and I miss you.” Before Jane could think of a response, Garrus was gone.

 

She watched the door close behind him, and for the first time in more than a day, she felt like she might be strong enough to follow him out that door.

 

…


	5. Chapter 5

Despite her new resolve, Jane didn’t go out on a mission again for some time, not until the Citadel was under attack.

 

“All hands on deck,” her brother had said grimly, and they were sent out into the wards in small separate teams, hoping they could reign in the chaos.

 

“Garrus, Jane,” he said, “You’re with me.” He paused, looking at Jane worriedly. “Your students—”

 

“Left the Citadel a couple weeks ago,” she said.

 

He nodded, relieved. “Let’s go.”

 

Fighting through what was once the most peaceful place in the galaxy was one of the most surreal experiences of her life.

 

It was heart-wrenching to hear Garrus call out for dead C-Sec friends as they fought through headquarters. It was even worse to watch a man stab John’s old teammate in front of his eyes and be forced to leave him behind.

 

Despite all of this, for Jane the hardest part was the heart-stopping moment when Kaidan Alenko, a man John had once considered like a brother, pointed his weapon at John’s heart.

 

She felt that violence flaring up again within her, that rage, just before John told her to lower her weapon. She almost didn’t. Somehow she brought herself under control, but her arms were rigid, trembling with leashed energy, waiting for the moment when she might need to strike Alenko down. The moment never arrived.

 

Afterwards, in his quarters, John told her that Kaidan had joined the team. She stalked up to him and poked her finger into his chest. “I am not working with that man,” she declared, then turned around in a huff, stalking away.

 

“Janie?”

 

She squeezed her eyes tight, took a shaky breath, then turned back around once she’d mastered her anger. “He was going to kill you,” she said, her voice slow and deliberate. “I can’t work with someone like that. How can you trust him?”

 

John let out a sigh. “Kaidan has had a rough few years. His world has been turned on it’s head more than once. He didn’t want to shoot me—he thought he had to. He’s a good man.”

 

“Whatever,” she snapped. “I’m going to keep an eye on him.”

 

A smile threatened at John’s lips. “You do that.”

 

When she mentioned it to Garrus, he, at least, seemed to take her seriously. “I don’t trust him either,” he said. “You can’t repair trust that’s been broken like that, not completely.”

 

“You’ll watch him with me?” she asked with pleading eyes.

 

He nodded seriously. “I will.”

 

…

 

Jane watched her brother as he gave out assignments at the end of a crew meeting, surprised at how many tasks ended up in Alenko’s hands. When she saw John sag as the crew left the room, it dawned upon her.

 

“You wanted him here… to take some of the pressure off of you?”

 

John turned and tried to smile at her, but all he managed was a grimace. “I love my alien crew, but there’s some things only Alliance personnel are allowed to do. He’s got the rank and the clearance to take some of that off my plate.”

 

She came up and put an arm around his waist. “I’m sorry I pushed you about him,” she said softly.

 

He dropped an arm over her shoulders. “It’s okay,” he said. “I don’t blame you for how you felt. And there was no way for you to know the rest.”

 

They walked slowly towards the elevator, arms still around each other. “Is there anything I can do?” she asked as the doors closed behind them. “I want to ease your burden.”

 

He sighed deeply. “Nothing more than what you’re doing, Janie. Just having you here, seeing you every day… you can’t imagine how it feels.”

 

She smiled up at him sadly. “Yes, I can.”

 

They loosened their grip on each other as they slowly walked into John’s quarters. “You haven’t been sleeping well,” she said softly. “I can tell.”

 

He shrugged. “The reapers don’t sleep. It’s hard to rest when I know what’s happening out there.”

 

“You’re allowed to rest,” she argued. “You’re not alone in this fight. When you’re sleeping, someone is always there to pick up the mantle. Someone is fighting, someone is working. Someone is building the crucible. You’re not alone.”

 

John sat down on the couch, dropping his head into his hands. “Sometimes it feels like it, Janie,” he admitted. “When I see all these galactic leaders looking to me… it scares me. I can’t be the only line of defense between our galaxy and the reapers.”

 

Jane looked down at his defeated form and could barely hold back her tears. She swallowed shakily and went to embrace her brother. “You’re not alone,” she whispered to him. “You’ll never be alone. I promise.”

 

They stayed like that for a while before Jane led him to his bed. “Go to bed,” she ordered him. “I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

 

She had vague memories from early childhood of their mother doing the same, and hoped this would give him the comfort those memories always had for her.

 

Jane sat down beside the bed, stroking her brother’s hair as his breathing slowed into something deep and steady. When she was sure he was asleep, only then did she allow her tears to fall.

 

Guilt overwhelmed her. She was the reason he’d gone into the military in the first place. He’d needed a steady job with income to send home so that he could send her to boarding school, away from the life on the streets they’d once led. He was in this position because he wanted to protect her. She had to help him the best she could.

 

Later, when she’d mastered her emotions, she approached Kaidan Alenko for the first time since he’d come onboard the Normandy.

 

“Major Alenko,” she said stiffly.

 

“Miss Shepard,” he replied, looking at her nervously. No doubt he had noticed her cold behavior towards him.

 

“I need a favor,” she said, forcing the words out as much as she hated them. “You need to do whatever it takes to ease the burden on my brother.”

 

The major looked shocked. “Look, Miss Shepard, I do everything he lets me do. But the real burden isn’t the work of running the Normandy. It’s the mental burden he puts on himself. I don’t know how to ease that.”

 

“Useless,” she huffed, storming away.

 

Kaidan shook his head as he watched her. He sympathized, but didn’t know what else he could do. No one could stop Shepard from carrying the world on his shoulders.

 

…

 

One addition to the team that Jane approved of was Tali’Zorah. She remembered John’s stories of the original Normandy, and the young quarian had made a favorable impression at John’s funeral, as difficult as those memories were to recall.

 

To Jane’s surprise and pleasure, the quarian seemed equally eager to reacquaint herself with Jane. They shared drinks and stories in the lounge, and Jane felt like she had made a friend.

 

To Jane’s even greater surprise, she realized she no longer felt like an outside on the Normandy. With her friendships among the crew growing, she was beginning to feel like this was home—especially when she and Tali took over the lounge as if they owned it.

 

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Tali asked once, after they’d each had a drink or two.

 

“In love with who?” Jane asked, bewildered.

 

“Garrus, of course!” Tali giggled. “It’s like Fleet and Flotilla.”

 

Jane blinked at Tali in shock. “We’re not… together or anything,” she said lamely.

 

Tali snorted. “You should be!”

 

As Tali giggled to herself, imagining her own live performance of the famed cross-species vid, Jane’s mind was racing through her experiences with Garrus. She remembered that odd conversation that seemed so long ago now.

 

_“I always wanted someone I could talk to,”_ she’d said to him. Nights of learning and laughter came to mind, their lessons devolving into conversations about anything and everything. _“Someone who would stand up to me.”_ She remembered him standing tall and angry in her doorway, demanding to know why she’d locked herself away. _“An equal.”_

 

Oh, he was far more than that.

 

“I’ve got to go,” she said quickly, escaping Tali to hide in her room and consider this new and strange line of thought. God, she could just kill Tali for this. She could have gone a very long time without ever realizing she was in love with Garrus Vakarian.

 

…


	6. Chapter 6

Being around Garrus had become… distracting.

 

Jane’s new awareness had made every interaction feel sexually charged. Sparring felt like foreplay. His arms around her as he adjusted her aim was almost a lover’s embrace. Things that had seemed innocent weren’t innocent anymore. She wasn’t sure they ever really had been, even if it had taken her so long to realize it.

 

She had never really imagined herself falling for an alien, especially not the race they had fought a war with thirty years ago. Yet, here she was. And there was nothing wrong with that.

 

What _was_ wrong was that she couldn’t imagine him ever feeling the same way about her. She’d begun reading about turians in her spare time. They prized strength and valor above nearly everything. Garrus had seen her at some of her lowest moments in recent memory. There was no way he could want her after showing so much weakness. Besides… how likely was it that he would be into humans, anyway?

 

…

 

“Are you okay?” Garrus asked, eyeing Jane carefully.

 

“Fine, why?” she asked, trying to hide how flustered she felt as they climbed up from the sparring mat.

 

“Your face is, um… heating up. I heard that a high temperature was a sign of illness in humans. And your heart rate seems fast, too. That’s been happening a lot lately. I think you might be getting sick.”

 

She stared at him in shock. “How do you know all that?”

 

He tapped his visor sheepishly. “It keeps track of vitals around me. Maybe you should get some rest?” he suggested, the perfect picture of concern.

 

“Um, yeah,” Jane said faintly. “Maybe I should. We’ll pick this up again later?” She backed into the elevator quickly. She could hardly get out of there fast enough! How on Earth was she supposed to manage with Garrus getting a technical readout of every blush?

 

Once she reached her quarters, she let out a breath of relief, sagging back against the door. In a split second decision, she typed off a quick message to Tali. There was only one person on the ship she felt comfortable discussing this with.

 

“You were right,” she told the quarian once Tali had joined her in her quarters. “I’m completely in love with him.”

 

Tali squealed. “This is so great! You’ll make such a sweet couple!”

 

Jane shook her head. “No, this is _not_ great. This is all your fault!” she accused. “You are the one who put these ideas in my head! He hasn’t shown any interest in me. And why would he?”

 

Tali tilted her head to the side. “Why wouldn’t he? You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman. What could he possibly object to?”

 

Jane slammed her hands down on her desk in frustration. “Oh, come off it! Garrus wants an equal partner, not some damsel in distress that can barely hold a gun.”

 

The two stared at each other for a long moment before Tali spoke again. “I don’t know,” she said slowly. “I’ve known Garrus for a while now, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”

 

…

 

It was only two days later when her brother brought it up as well.

 

They were eating a private dinner in his quarters, when John spoke up. “Janie… if you want to be with Garrus, that’s alright with me.”

 

Jane’s eyes shot up, staring at her brother in disbelief. She threw her fork down. “Why does everyone think we’re going to be a couple? I wish people would stop bringing it up!”

 

Her brother’s eyes widened at her violent reaction. He blinked. “I’m sorry, Jane. I guess I read you wrong.”

 

She looked down, taking a few more bites before she spoke up again. “You didn’t read me wrong,” she admitted, a defeated tone in her voice. “But it isn’t going to happen. He would never be with someone like me.”

 

John frowned, attention drawn away from his meal. “If you mean human, I don’t think he has anything against it…”

 

“I mean, not a soldier,” she clarified. “He’s a fighter, like you. And I’m just a teacher.”

 

He stared at her, a pained but familiar look in his eyes. “You’re not _just_ anything, Jane. And I know he sees that as well as I do.”

 

She looked back at her plate. “Please don’t bring it up again, John.”

 

He leaned back, unwilling to disturb her further. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t. But I’m here for you if you want to talk.”

 

She gave him a small half-smile. “I know.”

 

…

Jane was shooting at Cerberus troops through the snow when she heard a reverberating slam behind her. She glanced back only to see an atlas mech had dropped in. She swore inside her helmet before tapping her comm. “I’m pinned between an atlas mech and a squad of troops!” she called out, hoping her brother would hear her.

 

She swore again as all she got in return was static. The storm had been screwing with their comms the entire mission. Glancing around, she slipped between a crate and a low wall, praying that the crate would hold up under fire. She popped her head out around the wall, aiming her rifle at the troops, which she figured for the softer target. As she did so, her shields underwent a barrage of heavy machine gun fire from the mech. She hurriedly slipped back down behind the crate but heard it creaking ominously.

 

She commed again for assistance, praying that someone would hear her, yet hating herself for needing the help. She managed a few shots at the soldiers, but every time she leaned out of cover, her kinetic shield took a beating.

 

She flinched as a hole appeared in the crate she hid behind, and another hole, and another. Fear began to set in.

 

Then the crate exploded. Her ears were ringing and her shield was shorted out, thanks to the mech’s rocket. She turned, shakily aiming her rifle at the mech’s glass dome.

 

Suddenly, crackling electricity seemed to overtake the mech, stopping it in its tracks. She watched it for a moment, open-mouthed, before a shot rang out, shattering the dome she had been aiming at a moment before.

 

She blinked as Garrus leaped over the wall to slide into cover next to her. “You okay?” he asked, looking her up and down before peeping back over the wall.

 

“Yeah,” she said, even though it didn’t entirely ring true.

 

He nodded at her before taking aim at the troops over the wall. She joined him, but hadn’t quite stopped trembling. Between the two of them the soldiers were down before long, and John had come running from a far end of the complex.

 

“What the hell happened here?” her brother asked, looking at the carnage and the destroyed mech.

 

“What does it look like?” Jane snapped, storming off towards the shuttle. The two men glanced at each other behind her back, but Garrus only shrugged. He didn’t know what had set her off.

 

The atmosphere in the shuttle was thick and silent, and Jane wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes.

 

When they reached the Normandy cargo bay, Jane began to put her weapons away with surprising violence. Cortez and Vega stared at her with wide eyes as John and Garrus tried to be as unobtrusive as possible, stowing their own gear. As she finished up, slamming her locker closed, Garrus finally spoke.

 

“Jane? Are you okay?”

 

John looked up in alarm. With one glance at Jane’s face, he ushered James and Cortez into the elevator, leaving Jane and Garrus alone.

 

“No, I’m not okay,” Jane spat out. She paced around the room, but Garrus said nothing, watching and waiting for her to continue.

 

“I’m so sick of needing to be saved,” she said angrily, swiping at her eyes. “Why did you waste your time training me?”

 

Garrus stared at her, uncomprehending. “It wasn’t a waste, Jane. I—”

 

Jane slashed her hand in front of her, cutting him off. “I’m dead weight. You should be sick at the sight of me, I’m so far below you. I must seem pathetic to you!”

 

“Spirits, you really think that?” he asked, distressed. “Jane, you’re more than my equal in so many ways. Not everything is about the battlefield. You’ve taught me so much!”

 

“You’re a turian! I know how weak I must seem in your eyes. The only people in your society that don’t know how to fight are children.”

 

“Yes, every one of my people is trained for war. But Jane… you weren’t, and you went out there anyway when you didn’t have to. Do you have any idea how _strong_ that makes you seem in my eyes?”

 

She stopped in her tracks, meeting his eyes with her watery ones. She looked utterly bewildered. “I… never thought of it that way.”

 

Garrus reached out to take her hand. “It always takes courage to go out there and face death, but I can take comfort in the fact that I have trained my entire life for this. I always have that to fall back on. When I see you, I see someone that’s brave enough to go out there without that experience. It’s why I wanted to help teach you. It’s why I wanted to learn from you. And it’s why I…” He paused, swallowing.

 

She stared at him, eyes wide. “Why you… what?”

 

He pulled her in gently, pressing her forehead against his own.

 

She gazed up into his blue eyes, eyes that stared into her soul. “You love me?” she whispered, wondering.

 

“Yes,” he said.

 

Her lips crashed upon his mouth, bruisingly hard.

 

“I—” he gasped out. “I don’t know how to kiss.”

 

“Don’t worry,” she said, barely pulling her lips away. “I’ll teach you everything you need to know.” And she dove upon him again, with no intention of releasing him.

 

…


	7. Chapter 7

Jane burst into her brother’s quarters with the oddest expression on her face.

 

“Janie!” John shot up from his chair. “What is it?”

 

She fell into his arms. “He loves me,” she whispered against his shoulder. “I never thought…”

 

John breathed a sigh of relief. “You never do,” he said. When she had calmed, he pulled her away to look into her face. “You’ve got to stop carrying around so much guilt and self doubt. You’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, Jane.”

 

She raised a brow. “ _I’m_ carrying the weight of the world?”

 

He shrugged, giving her a sheepish smile. “You’re always trying to take my burdens.”

 

 “Only because you took all of mine for so long.” Her gaze was serious and sad. “You kept me from it as much as you could, but I know some of what you had to do to take care of me when we were kids. And then going into the military to pay my way through high school and college…” She swallowed, looking down for a moment before she met his eyes again. “I’m the reason you’re here—the reason you died! I can never repay you, but I won’t stop trying.”

 

“Oh Janie,” he pulled her to his chest, feeling tears pricking at his eyes. “Please don’t blame yourself. Don’t ever. You made it all worth it. And don’t you think I feel inadequate sometimes?”

 

She scoffed into his shoulder, but he pulled back to smile at her. “Really!” he said. “You’re so clever, and have changed the lives of so many kids. I didn’t even finish high school. I always knew that the military was about as good as it was going to get for me.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jane said, irritated. “You’re as intelligent as I am. The things you’ve done are amazing.”

 

“And I think you’re just as amazing. You’re worth it, Janie. Try to believe it, for me,” John insisted. “And for Garrus, too! I won’t have you breaking my friend’s heart because you think you’re not good enough for him!”

 

Jane laughed, blushing. “Believe me, I have no intention of screwing this up.” She smiled at him, almost glowing with her happiness. “You know, I really didn’t want to stay on the Normandy. But I’m starting to feel like this is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

 

He smiled. “You’re welcome.”

 

…

 

After days of attempts at kissing and formerly forbidden touches, Jane was at her wit’s end.

 

She wanted Garrus, and she didn’t want to wait.

 

So she called him to her quarters, the one place she knew they would have privacy. “What’s going on?” he asked as he entered. “Is there something wrong?”

 

“No, nothing,” Jane said, trying to gather the courage to say what she desired. They were silent for a long moment, staring at one another as he awaited her explanation. “Garrus… I want to make love,” Jane said at last.

 

The turian’s mandibles flared in shock, and he opened and closed his mouth as if he wished to speak but couldn’t find the words. After a moment, he reached out a hand to clasp around hers. “I… want that too. Spirits, it’s felt like I’ve wanted this forever. But don’t you think this is a little fast?” he asked. “Are you really sure?”

 

“I want this,” she assured him. “And I think it might help with my little… problem. In training.”

 

He tilted his head. “Problem?”

 

She blushed. “You thought I was getting sick. Because my face was hot and my heart was racing? That was all because of you.”

 

“Oh,” he said wonderingly. “I guess I still have a lot to learn about humans.”

 

“That’s okay. I’m sure I have a lot to learn about turians.” She smiled at him. “We can learn together.”

 

They moved slowly and carefully, exploring each others’ alien bodies. There were blunders and a few laughs, but in the end they each came to a blissful peak, finishing in each others’ arms.

 

They lay quietly for a long time, relishing their togetherness, when Garrus reached for Jane’s arm, pulling up her omni-tool. “What…?” she started, but he shook his head.

 

After pressing a few buttons too quickly for Jane to follow, he laid her arm back down. “Jane…” he began, and she stared at him in confusion. “I love you.”

 

It took her a moment to realize he was speaking English—he’d turned off her translator! She stared at him in awe. “I love you too,” she whispered.

 

“Thank… you,” he said slowly, labored. “For teaching me.”

 

She smiled. “You were worth it.”

 

…

 

Jane stopped in her tracks as she entered the observation lounge. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t realize anyone was in here.”

 

Private Ortega looked up at her and smiled. “It’s alright, Miss Shepard. I was just working on my reading.” She brandished the book that was in her lap.

 

Jane came closer, glancing at the book’s cover. Her brows shot up. “Is that a paper copy of Pride and Prejudice?”

 

Ortega grinned. “I found it in a junk shop on the Citadel. When I read on a datapad or omni-tool, it’s too tempting to use auto-translate.”

 

Jane sat down next to her student. “How are you doing with it so far? The language it uses is pretty antiquated.”

 

The young woman shrugged. “It’s slow going. But it wouldn’t be going at all if not for you.”

 

Jane flushed. “It’s my pleasure, Ortega. I’m really glad you asked me to teach. I felt like such a burden with no job here on the Normandy.”

 

“You’re doing a lot now,” Ortega pointed out. “More than any other member of Commander Shepard’s team.” She glanced downward. “No one would blame you if you wanted to quit teaching the class now. It’s the sort of thing you used to get paid for, after all.”

 

Jane smiled softly at the younger woman. “Maybe it was, but you can consider it a gift. All of you work so hard to keep this ship running smoothly for my brother. It’s the least I can do.”

 

Ortega looked up through her lashes. “It’s more than that,” she said. “The Alliance requires officers to have a certain proficiency in English, since it’s their primary language. Before this, I was trying to save up money for a class. Now I can send that money to my mom and little sister instead. And maybe I will be able to become an officer sooner than I ever dreamed before.”

 

Jane stared at her in surprise. “I never imagined that my little class could have such an impact,” she admitted.

 

Ortega smiled slightly, her eyes glistening. “Please don’t doubt what your class means to us. So thank you.” Realizing that Jane needed a moment to herself, the private quietly left the room.

 

Jane stared out the window to the stars, feeling a warmth growing within her chest.

 

…

 

“Where are we going?” Jane asked, smiling over at Garrus as he piloted the skycar.

 

“Somewhere I’ve always wanted to go… somewhere we’re not supposed to.”

 

Her eyes lit up, and Garrus grinned.

 

He parked the car on top of one of the highest Presidium bridges and climbed out. When Jane joined him, staring out over the Citadel, he put an arm around her. “I spent years working on the Citadel, always looking up and thinking that I wanted to be up there. Since we don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I figured, why not?”

 

She met his smile and looked back out over the beautiful view. “It’s incredible up here,” she said. “Thank you for bringing me.”

 

“There’s no one else I’d rather be here with,” Garrus said, and pulled her into a kiss. He’d been a quick study, to Jane’s satisfaction, and while it wasn’t like kissing a human, she wouldn’t trade him for the world.

 

When Garrus eventually pulled away, he moved towards the car. Jane raised a brow when he came away from the car with a basket and a rifle.

 

“I brought a picnic… and I thought you might like to try some target practice?”

 

Her eyes widened as a smile grew on her face. “Up here? Can we really?”

 

Garrus grinned. “Try not to hit the cars.”

 

They laughed and chatted as they took turns shooting bottles. Garrus was better at it, of course, but he never lorded it over her, instead taking pleasure in every improvement she made. Each good hit was rewarded with a kiss. Jane thought she would never tire of target practice.

 

When they had run through their practice ammo, they sat down to the picnic Garrus had brought.

 

“I admit,” Jane said, “Sometimes I feel guilty for being so happy with you right now. When everything is so terrible.”

 

Garrus stroked her hand. “You have to take happiness where you can find it, especially in a time like this.”

 

“I suppose so. Now we just need to find someone for my brother,” Jane sighed.

 

To her surprise, Garrus chuckled. “Let me tell you a story about your brother and a woman named Miranda Lawson.”

 

Jane’s eyes lit with delight. “So my brother _does_ have a lady waiting for him after all! He’s been totally close-mouthed about it. Good for him!”

 

Garrus smiled back at her. “She’s… challenging. But he likes it.”

 

Jane laughed. “He would.”

 

After a few minutes of aimless chatter, they lapsed into a content silence, taking pleasure in just being together.

 

“What now?” Jane said eventually, her voice soft as she broke the silence.

 

Garrus turned to her, his blue eyes tender. “We have something worth fighting for.”

 

Jane smiled back, a smile that lit her whole face. She knew the war wasn’t over, that there was a long way still to go. But somehow, when they were together, the future seemed bright.

 

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap! Thank you for reading and let me know if you liked it!


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